Freeze!

Jared : Heya officer, is there anything wrong?

Police Officer : We got a complaint of an aggravated robbery and assault perpetrated by a maori man that completely fits your description. Short and stocky. Male. Big lips, big nose. Wearing a gray hoodie. Even your rugby shoes fit the description. Looks unused... very clean and sanitised to me.

Jared : You must be mistaken officer. I'm sure that wasn't me!

PO : Okay, so you say. Where were you on the night of the 29th of March?!!

Jared : I'm sure I was with somebody. Just a second.... yeah, it was my honeymoon that day!

PO : You won't believe how many times we hear that alibi! Now stop lying and fess up!!

Jared : Wait! I could prove it!! My wife, Kate, is pregnant right now and she's due exactly on Dec 29. That's exactly nine months!

PO : Are you telling me that you conceived exactly on the day of the wedding!?!

Jared : I think that's what happened officer!!

PO : And Kate can verify that she was with you on that very night?

Jared : Yes sir!

PO : So this baby got conceived exactly on the 29th? not on the 27th, not on the 30th? How about the 31st? I just find it too coincidental for that to happen. You sure you never touched her before that day?

Jared : As my hangi's my witness sir. I'm sure.

PO : I really find that hard to believe seeing that you were called "Jared the Manwhore" according to your previous police records. It says here that you even kept files of your whoring attempts... in Excel!

Jared : Uhhhhhhhh, not even ah!

PO : I'm opening it now from your evidence file... this is shocking!! Look at all these names. Is this your blackbook? 65,536 rows in total!?!? Tsk tsk. Wait a minute... there's even a 2nd tab! Why scum like you disgust me!

Jared : But I, I just wanted to know how many cells Excel can take. They're not true officer. I just made them up! Please believe me!!!

PO : Same way you made up what happened on the 29th eh? I may have to take you down to the precinct for some thorough questioning. Now spread your legs while I frisk you for... weapons.

"I have a couple of daughters. Crims who score women like that ought to be shot." the Police Officer says as he cuffs Jared and leads him to his patrol car.

*I leave the rest to your imagination. Congrats Jared and Kate.